She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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