You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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