I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
