Michael Bay diarrhea
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Mom said you looked used
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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