Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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