**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
