I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize