tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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