someone threw a dead crab at me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
