I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
