I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I bet he comes in French.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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