I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
