Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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