You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is it penis luge time yet?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
