Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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