Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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