he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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