I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
