So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
