i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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