did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
