Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you inspire me to be a worse person
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
