You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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