I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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