Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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