So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just threw up on my dentist
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
