So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
