i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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