Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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