I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
