You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
