There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
