last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
