Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
