Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
