i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
