Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
