3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
