omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
