Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
