i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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