There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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