pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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