You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
