Non-Jews are for practice
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
