New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
