new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So many bounce houses so little time
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize