Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
