go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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