Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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