just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
