just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
