I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
