So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
