I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My cat gives me a boner
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
