Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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