WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
