I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
