I want you more than these girls want KFC
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
