Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
