I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
