dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
