weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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