Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
