wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
