foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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