This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
