Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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