Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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