Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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