I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
