I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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