Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
