Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
