Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
